**Disclaimer I wrote this when feeling really tired and seriously scunnered. A few days on, I was in two minds about posting it, but what’s the point in just sharing a sanitised version of things. Having said that, as you can see later, there’s a line getting drawn in the sand here. Onwards.**

It’s a little bit before 7am on Tuesday morning and I’m scribbling this on the Caledonian Sleeper heading for Edinburgh and then home (and then a quick change to head to a wedding). Now into week 2 of the training plan but work and the wedding have ruled out runs today and yesterday so I’ll adjust the schedule for the rest of the week. 

If I’m being honest (and I have no plans to be anything but on here) another rest day is what the legs need…and that’s not a great thing to be saying in week 2. My good knee…clearly isn’t and my bad knee is borderline behaving itself but feels like it could join its near neighbour at any time. When I run it’s sore, or maybe it’s just discomfort but that might be me spinning it. When I stop running the pain stops (mostly) so in my mind, it doesn’t feel like an injury. It feels like something I’ve had before so whilst it’s getting me down a fair bit, I’m not getting overly panicked about it all. 

But when you look at the schedule, even if you take one run at a time, there’s a fair amount of miles for these knees to go through over the next few months…and I don’t have great confidence in either of them. I NEED to get to a place where I’m comfortable with the discomfort and compartmentalise it or it will dominate my training, my prep and all of my spare thinking time if I let it.  

I’m reluctantly going back to a patella strap. On the one hand, it’s a visible reminder that things aren’t quite right but on the other, I clocked my half marathon PB a few years back wearing one. From feeling the pain in the first 800m to easing myself into the race and clocking a 1:32 (on a course that I’m still convinced was long). The elusive sub 90 half will probably remain as such but it was some run if I say so myself. Confidence built as I went on; runners that had pulled away from me got closer and then it was me doing the overtaking in the second half of the race with a decent amount left in the tank for the last few, tough miles with a strong uphill finish. I knew I was on for the PB but as the photo shows, I worked ’til the line for every second, there was no coasting home and nothing was left on that course. 

Sorry I got a wee bit distracted there! As nice as it is to remember days and runs like that one, nostalgia can be a bit of a trap and the focus needs to be on October 9th, the race and all the challenges that come with it. I’ve picked an ‘intermediate’ training programme and set a pace that is based on the runner I am now and not the runner of old. It feels realistic whilst still showing a level of ambition for a marathon race debutant. I’m now trying to put it into practice with the training runs and week one, despite the pains, was a decent one. If anything I probably need to slow things down a bit more but that can be challenging when you are just used to running a certain way. I don’t do ‘eye balls out’ for every run (I did when I started running) but over the last few years I do seem to have a normal pace and a slightly quicker one. Now I need to find a third, slightly slower one and get used to doing miles in the zone. 

I’m realising you need to find that balance between, one run / one week at a time and being organised enough to plan out the full programme around work, travel, family life etc. I’ll admit my heart skipped a few beats and knee twinged a bit when I accidentally looked at July’s schedule and the Saturday long runs ramp up. 

As I close this out, I’m hoping that’s the ‘knees’ blog post done and we move on from here. I’m not sure anyone wants to read post after post of me saying I’ve got sore knees but it’s definitely weighed heavy on my mind. I did look at the injury clause last week and, momentarily, considered buying myself out of the race, writing a cheque to the charity and refunding all my sponsors. And then you remember this is the dream race in the dream city…and this might be the one shot I get at it. It’s going to hurt on the day so I’m as well getting used to that feeling now. I’m running this race in October. It will take more than a pair of dodgy knees on a set of chicken legs to stop me.

I bet you thought that this blog had gone the same way as 97% of most blogs eh? Starts off with good intentions on a wave of great enthusiasm and then…nothing.  Aye, me too. 

I think the time that’s passed between this post and the last one can be split into two (ish). The first half, I was probably just fed up with running (I do prefer the Scots word scunnered) or maybe more specifically the aches and pains that have been associated with my running. And the second half, well, I’ve just been scunnered with the world. The last few weeks have felt quite intense with stuff that is probably not wise to write about here but suffice to say a lot of time has been spent thinking about / worrying about people whose lives have changed irrevocably, and not for the better. 

Not for the first time, running has been a wee escape from the intensity. I wouldn’t say I’ve got myself into a regular schedule, but I’ve certainly managed to get out a few times a week. There hasn’t been much of a structure to the running, harsh critics might refer to a lot of my recent runs as ‘junk miles’, but ‘clear the heid runs’ are priceless runs. 

In terms of pace, I’ve got a range of anywhere from low five minute kilometres (what I’m now calling parkrun pace) up to 5:40/5:50s, but probably spend most of my runs somewhere in the middle of that. The pace from a few years ago is nowhere to be seen and I’m not convinced it’s coming back regardless of any improvements in fitness and endurance. I’m sure that a big part of that is down to me being hesitant to ‘push it’ for fear of aggravating the knees and achilles that have been the cause of countless injuries and setbacks over the last few years. My left knee is certainly ‘bothering’ me just now, but I’m not sure I’d call it painful. Maybe I’ve learned to manage it better…or just mastered kidding myself that it’s not really sore.      

But when I’m out there on the road, I’m enjoying it. The first few kms of any run, irrespective of pace, definitely feels much tougher than it once did but things usually settle down after that, including the breathing which can be a bit all over the place early doors. I’ve been a bit surprised with the distance that’s in the legs, 10-15km runs feel manageable and there’s a big bit of me tempted to try a half marathon or at least HM distance soon – although I do see the pace dropping off the further I go. I’ve taken a gel with me on the last two Sunday runs and that’s helped and I’m trying out a running belt now to see if it’s going to work for carrying the drinks and nutrition come race day (so far, so good). 

As much as I am enjoying the semi-regular running, doing it 2-3 times a week feels like it’s probably the limit – at least for now. The temptation, especially when it feels so great for my head, is to get out there every day or increase it to 4-5 runs a week. But I know that would probably end up with more time on the sidelines nursing an injury and feeling sorry for myself – and I’m kinda done with both. But there’s a big part of me wondering if the legs – with all the injuries they’ve endured the last four years – are going to cope with the training schedule that comes with a marathon. The race distance itself, I feel ok about, but the hundreds of miles that go into the preparation, less so. Coaches and physios and runners more experienced than I am will regularly tell you to ‘listen to your body’. The problem I have is that if I genuinely listened, I’d hear my legs say, ‘just pack all this in, we hate it, we’re sore and we’re going to keep giving you hassle until you listen to us’. So I hear you legs…I just sometimes choose not to listen!  

I am going to start swimming on the days I’m not running and I’ll keep the odd rest day or two in the calendar. I haven’t swam in a long time, but I can get myself up first thing in the morning for a swim more than I can for the gym. I’m also starting to travel a bit more again for the first time in a while. That makes scheduling runs (and swims and gyms) a wee bit trickier, but it does mean a few new locations and a change of running scenery. Who knows I might even treat you to a photo of them given I’ve not posted three text only blog posts! 

This started off as a quick post to say I’ve not abandoned the blog and turned into a bit of a ramble so let me send you off to read an incredible article that stopped me in my tracks last week. It’s a situation that is completely unimaginable to so many of us but you’ll read the quotes from these incredibly brave runners and in a world that makes increasingly little sense, their words will.

‘We’re showing we’re alive’: the older Ukrainians running daily as war rages | Ukraine | The Guardian

It’s January and I’ve just ‘celebrated’ turning 44 with a few days of indulgence behind me. These are all decent enough reasons why now is not a good time to be talking about weight loss. And I’m not going to talk about it much on here – don’t worry, you’ve not arrived at a ‘new year, new me’ blog. But I am going to make a concerted effort to just do it. It’s not the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life but it is the heaviest I’ve ever been whilst trying to run. And I feel it. The last few runs I’ve felt myself sinking down into my hips a lot, the form goes and it all feels a bit labored (not that I’ve got a particularly impressive running style to start with). I’m also really feeling it a lot more in my knees and one of those is in bad enough shape as it is (I’ll introduce you to him another time). I know a decent commitment to strength and conditioning and building up the knees can help with that, but shedding a bit timber from the frame will too.

I’m not going to mention actual weights because I’m acutely aware that my current weight is someone else’s target. But I am probably a good double digit distance between current weight and the weight I used to race at. I’d like to get down to that in time for the start of my marathon training block that will kick off 18 (ish) weeks before October 9th. Plenty of time to do it sensibly.

I’m back training at my running club, Pitreavie AAC Endurance. I’ve missed it. It gives me a bit structure, focus and variety to my running and I’ve really missed seeing my pals. The club has continued to grow over the last few years which is even more impressive given the challenges of the pandemic and a lack of group sessions. There’s a lot of faces I don’t recognise…and I suddenly feel a bit like the new boy in the class. A mile into the session and I feel like I’m a boy that’s completely new to running, trying to catch my breath as I walk back to start the next rep.

This session was 4 x 1600m reps with four minute recoveries between each rep. Each rep should be run at a pace quicker than your 5k pace. I don’t think I’ve got a 5k/10k/half marathon pace just now. I’ve got the pace I get round in and a slightly faster gear that I can manage for a short distance. I managed to find that gear on Tuesday and stay in it for the 4 reps.

The location was a loop known locally as the Pan Handle and despite there being a healthy turnout of runners, I found myself running solo for most of the session. My usual training buddies are just quicker now and I didn’t have the speed in the legs to hang with the group in front of me.

I’m not looking for the tiny violins to come out here. Since I started running back in 2016 I’ve never compared myself to other runners. I’ve learned from them, I’ve been inspired and motivated by them but I’ve never ranked my progress based on how it compares with others. But it is understandable for a wee bit of frustration to creep in when you see training partners that you once used to keep pace with stretch off into the distance and you have nothing in your legs to do anything about it. But you just need to push those thoughts out your head pretty quick and focus on the session. If you let it become ‘a thing’, you’d never go back. And the discipline, structure, camaraderie and enjoyment I get from being a part of the club will be a big support and positive influence on my preparations for Chicago.

I closed the week off with an out and back session yesterday. I’ve built this up over the last three weeks, starting at 25 mins (50 mins continuous running), then 30 mins and yesterday was up to 35 mins. If you pace it well, you’ll finish back where you started within the 70 minutes…and I arrived home bang on time (a complete fluke and don’t let me tell you otherwise). I’ve used the same route, adding a bit on every week which, for the last two weeks, has included a decent sized hill at halfway. I’m not entirely sure if this was by accident or design but I was determined to give myself a wee challenge. I used to love hill running/training (I am still madly in love with the thought of it) and need to build more of this into the schedule.

But two decent shifts this week where I feel like I’ve grafted. Took this morning off from parkrun to give the knees a wee rest. Planning to go on a bit of parkrun tourism over the next few months, so if you have a suggestion of where in Scotland I should visit, drop me a wee comment on here.

“I don’t know”, I said as I put the finishing touches to the cover photo that isn’t displaying on the screen like I want it to…”we’ll soon find out”.

So here we are. Just under nine months until I hope to make my marathon debut (I’ve covered the distance before, not in a race, but that’s one for another time). A marathon that I signed up for just over two years ago as I was coming to the end of three month work secondment in a city that I fell in love with the minute I saw the skyline appear on the first drive in from O’Hare.

But you don’t need me to tell you that a lot has happened since the end of 2019. I’m not sure this blog is the place to look back on the last few years, you’ll all have your own lived experiences of the pandemic that will be more real to you than anything I write here. Suffice to say, I hope everything has been alright and I hope you’re doing ok.

What didn’t happen was the 2020 Chicago Marathon and I was given the option to defer to either 2021, 2022 or 2023. With all the uncertainty and restrictions on travel to the US from the UK, I decided against last year’s race and signed up for October.

Now what I’m about to say next is so insignificant and unimportant in the grand scheme of things but I think it’s worth being honest with you (and myself) as I kick this thing off.

I am not the runner I was in 2019.

Whilst some stayed focused, trained well, clocked up new PBs and got fitter, faster and stronger…I didn’t. I kind of went backwards, got a few bad injuries, fell out of love with it and I haven’t felt like a runner for big chunks of these last few years.

I’ve spent way too much of that time thinking I’m not as quick/fit/trim as I used to be and it’s wasted energy that changes nothing. If anything, it makes you feel even worse. And looking back isn’t going to get me ready for what’s coming up, so I’ll try not to (disclaimer: there might be a few nostalgia posts if I start struggling for regular content).

I’ve started this blog in the hope that it helps me stay focused and keeps me honest in the months ahead. I’m working through all my different plans; the training schedule, the fundraising and the more immediate priorities to improve my strength and conditioning and get a good base level of fitness.

The last blog I wrote was in 2007 when me and a group of pals did the Monster Bike and Hike for Maggie’s – 30 miles cycle, 43 mile hike from Fort William to Inverness in less than 24 hours (20hrs 48mins to be exact). The blog was a nice way to chronicle an amazing experience and we figured that it would also give the people that sponsored us some proof that we were in serious training and worth backing. If this does a bit of the same I’ll be happy, but I also just fancy doing a wee bit of writing that isn’t work related. If you pop in once or twice and then head off into cyberspace or you stick me with me for the duration, every bit of support is appreciated. If you’re not able to donate, that’s absolutely fine – I will not be giving you all the hard sell on here, I promise. If you’d like to drop me a wee comment under any of the posts, or give the blog a bit of promo on social or even recommend it to a friend (they might be having trouble getting to sleep and in need of a remedy) that would be magic.

I can’t be the runner I was in 2019…so I’ll build the 2022 version.

“Let’s go to work”…